Overcoming The Stages of Grief To Find Self-Love & Hope

Last week, I wrote about coping with your diagnosis. It can be so difficult to find joy outside of the diagnosis. Many people feel trapped by their bodies, trapped by their diagnosis- this is a universal experience of people living with autoimmune disease. 

And just because I am an autoimmune disease expert does not mean that I am immune to this experience. On the contrary! After my diagnosis, I was a mess. There were many nights that I spent crying on the couch because I was too exhausted to make it out for an event (like date night with my husband or game night with my girlfriends) and I had to cancel last minute. Or crying because I said yes to doing something when I was too exhausted- and then I was even more depleted and exhausted than I was before! 

I have gone through the various stages of grief- denying that I had to change the way I was living in order to take care of my sick body, then pain and guilt- because I had ignored my body’s needs and pushed too hard and was left in a puddle of pain and exhaustion. Then anger- angry at my body, angry at my doctors, angry at myself for not being “better” at pushing through. Next comes the worst part- depression. The feeling of hopelessness and helplessness, that I will never get better, I will always feel like this, and that my life had no more meaning because I was “lazy” and “useless”. Each stage felt darker than the next. 

And then, somehow, it turned around for me. I remember this day clearly. I had just gotten back from the doctors office, and I was feeling so down in the dumps because the doctor had given me little concrete information or support when I had expressed how exhausted and in pain I was. And that day I realized- if things were going to change, I was going to have to figure it out myself. Because I couldn’t live my life on the couch, watching life pass me by. I had to find a way. 

This was the beginning of me finding my way back to the light. My stages of grief turned to stages of renewal. I found reconstruction, followed by acceptance, followed by hope. 

In this blog, I am going to detail out the steps I took to lead me from the darkness of the first stages and into the light of renewal. You don’t have to be limited by your disease- it does not define you. These steps will help you gain control back over your body and kickstart a mindset shift that will lead you into the phase of hope.     

1.Eat Healthy Food. 

You don’t have to overhaul your entire diet in order to help you to feel better (although if you want to, there are great programs out there like Autoimmune Wellness and The Paleo Mom that will help support you through it.)

The key to feeling better in your body is to reduce inflammation. And we can do this by eliminating the toxic chemicals we put in our bodies and replace them with fresh food- like vegetables and fruit. These types of foods have fiber (which keep us full), water (essential for hydration) and powerful vitamins, minerals and antioxidants that our bodies need to work properly. 

So… step 1 is to start swapping this for that. Try switching something that comes in a package with something that comes from the produce aisle. This little swap will start making a big difference in how you feel. 

2.Drink Water. 

This is a simple but powerful habit to create and cultivate. The majority of Americans are chronically dehydrated- which means that we haven’t drank enough water over the course of our lifetime to keep us healthy. Dehydration can have lots of nasty side effects, like muscular pain, migraines, dry skin, rapid heartbeats, brain fog, and mood swings, among others. So, it’s time to start making a change and replenishing our water intake. 

Step 2 is to start increasing the amount of water you drink each week. Start with just a little bit- try adding 1 cup of water a day. After a few days I promise you will feel more alert and awake than ever before. 

3.Move Your Body. 

When we live with autoimmune disease, our bodies hurt so much we often don’t want to move because it’s too painful. But this gets us into a dangerous cycle of no movement at all. Because the less you move, the more pain, soreness and discomfort you will feel. Movement is essential for reducing pain and increasing energy! 

Step 3 is to get your body moving, even if it’s just for a few minutes a day. The key is to do the right kind of exercises in order to train our bodies to handle the demands of everyday life. So, instead of hitting the treadmill for 20 minutes, I prefer to do strengthening exercises that help us get stronger and more capable of performing our daily tasks. Most strengthening programs can be super overwhelming and can kickstart a flare-up- which is why I designed Autoimmune Strong- the first and only online exercise program specifically designed to get you stronger, more mobile and more flexible- without kickstarting a flare-up. You can learn more about it here: 

4.Change Your Mindset. 

It’s very easy to fall down in the dumps when you live with autoimmune disease. This is why it is extra essential to think positive, loving thoughts. And when that seems impossible? Surround yourself with other people who are talking about inspiring, positive, life affirming things. I find inspiration in podcasts- like The Start Today Podcast by Rachel Hollis or Super Soul Conversations by Oprah Winfrey. I also recommend books like Girl Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis, Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, and the Gift Of Imperfection by Brene Brown.

These tips are simple- and they key to success is to start with just a little teeny tiny bit at a time. Pick 1 thing, 1 place to start. Drink an extra glass of water each day. Switch out 1 snack with a vegetable. Stand on one leg for 10 seconds each day. These small changes start to rewire your brain and have you believe that things are possible. New options are available for you. And as you begin to feel better about yourself, your body and your health, you will want to do them more often. THIS is how new habits are formed, and mindset shifts are made!

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